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WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It’s your favorite day- it’s opposite day! Black and white is the new IT colors (shades of brown count too). This is really difficult for me because I believe life is better with color. But today, in light of opposite day, I’m going to be brave and open new doors in my life. I scoured the internet waves for my favorite BLAH colored outfits. It wasn’t easy, but somebody’s got to do it. And what do you know? I even discovered a new favorite designer, Preen! You’re going to get a major Preen dosage today.

Well this girl is in a foul mood today. If only she wiped that stupid look off her face, I could enjoy this outfit more. The whole “I want to vomit in your mouth” look doesn’t make you look attractive, girlfriend. Luckily, you have a cute outfit to save your career, by Preen.

Oh look, puke girl decided to rise up from the dead for this zombie pose. Anything was better than the “Say whaaaat” face you had on before. I really like the cut of this and it’s quite form fitting. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, although I like some neutral colors, pale girls like me can’t pull it off. Put this on a black girl and you have fashion. Preen.

Workin’ the runway in some more Preen. This could be really tacky if worn the wrong way or if you have curves. Hair must be up, accessories must be simple, boobs must be small. This dress is distracting enough. This see-through material thing is really coming back.

Houndstooth. This dress wouldn’t have done a thing for me if it weren’t for those sleeves.  It’s kind of this long t-shirt sleeve look, and I’m diggin’ it. I know I’m not supposed to mention color, but if you had a clutch and matching heels in any bold color, this would be so sex.

Is this bad? I mean, it’s mostly black… it just happens to have some purple in it. This is flattering and fun, I would buy this in a heartbeat if it were actually attainable. Aliens are in right now, and you are gonna look out of this world in this outfit (I know, cheezy…). Preen is officially done for the day! If you liked anything you saw in black and white, just check out all the other fun colorful stuff- I really had to strain to not put any of it in.

Oscar.

De.

La.

Renta. Yes. Look, I even stuck to the theme here. Although it wasn’t that difficult considering I had a lot of pretty stuff to choose from. I think my favorite is the last look. The whole long thin skirt isn’t really something I like, but this outfit couldn’t have used it more dead-on. I would wear all of these dresses. It’s like, Victoria’s Secret meets Forever 21 and takes Katherine Hepburn out to lunch. Love.

I needed more beige for this collection, so I chose Giles Deacon. This leathery-looking material is awesome though, and I love the bubble waist. It kind of looks like she is wearing a car seat, but I’m okay with that, because she does it well. Maybe because her skin is just as leathery. Nice throat veins, chica.

Okay, I’m bored of the clothing, let’s go say hi to accessories.

FML. Black boots, the item I still desperately need but can’t really afford. And I already have a pair, I just am sad because the suede decided to wear out and fall down into what appears to be ankle boots. I have even used double-sided tape to keep it from falling. Sigh. In order of affordability: Free People, 120. Dolce Vita Marais, 340. Alexandra Neel, 985.

Brown boots, also FML. Particularly because of the bottom boots. I love them so much, you are so pretty Mr. Loeffler Randall, and I could have you for only 895 from Anthropologie. But that is like prostitution and I am a good girl… The top over-the-knee boots run for somewhere around 500, also from Anthro. I’ll take those too while I’m at it.

One, more, thing. Clutch is so clutch. It has a light pink lining. I can’t justify spending 300 on a clutch purse that I’m sure I would put down drunk and lose, but for the richy-rich, I get it. Another Anthro find. You won’t get that look anywhere else… :c

Sometimes, color is more important than cohesion… (Let’s just pretend that girl on the left doesn’t exist and ruin my theme)

Just another day in the life of a model— being beautiful, looking fierce with the other starving girls, and chillin’ in futuristic, African-inspired, color-bursting clothing. Too bad the David Koma S/S 2010 Line didn’t get noticed until a “celebrity” wore one of the dresses on X-Factor (Cheryl Cole- who is this girl anyway, where did she come from, how come I always hear about her, and WTH is X-Factor?).

Is it a bird? Is it a flower? YES.

It’s The Paradise Dress by Tour De Force. No price mentioned, meaning you can’t afford it. Girls with big boobs, beware. You can’t wear this (ha! we win!). I’m into the whole, it looks like I made this out of paper, but really I’m just a talented designer phase. Project Runway, anybody?

You’re thinking, where could I ever wear this? I’m thinking, where wouldn’t you wear this? (Except, don’t let your boyfriend touch you in this, I have a feeling this shit could slice you up). But talk about amazingness, this almost makes me a little sad. Peter Pilotto is a god. And you can be too, for $2,355.00.

Hi, do I look familiar? We met recently, I’m Peter Pilotto. I wouldn’t be surprised if Van Gogh himself rose from the grave, took a plane to LA, collaborated with Petey and painted this dress together. If I ever bought this, I would just frame it in my dining room. $1,145, openingceremony.com

Wait, I can’t stop. Why is this so difficult. Okay, this is the last of PP today, I swear. Just, be, inspired by it- that’s all I ask.

Marilyn Monroe over here with her pleated skirt. Rodarte, $2,095. Finally, a designer that is NOT a man. Actually, they’re sisters. Oh, Rodarte. Even your name is fancy. Even Natalie Portman wears you to the Oscars.

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Even ice princess looks fantastic.

AND finally, for your accessory viewing pleasure: SHOES. Yes, show-stopping, heart-pumping, beautiful red shoes. Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic. But this is the one accessory that I’ve blogged about so far that I would choose to be stranded on a desert island with. $405.

Hair. You can have ugly hair, but as long as you put something pretty in it, we forgive you. Let’s start with the stuff you can’t afford…

BeBe:

This girl is thinking, “I’m so Vogue”. And she is. If you wear a solid color anything with it, you’ll look like a magical princess (who isn’t trying too hard). $49.



$39. I like this, but it has its downfalls… or one, I should say. It’s like a brown and black spotted band. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for mixing it up and breaking the rules, but when it comes to a hair piece, that complicates things. I know that you could wear it with all black and everyone can just take a sigh of relief, but if they just made the stupid band one solid color, life would be much simpler.

Anthropologie:

We’ve all seen this a hundred times, but there’s a reason for it. It’s beautiful, and you can wear it with a dress or jeans, daytime or night! That’s why. One problem, it’s $38. You could buy the freaking dress itself for that. Luckily this will get a lot of wear and no tear, for 38 freaking dollars.

This is a little different, it’s just a clip, but it’s only $32. It’s as if you went rummaging through your grandma’s closet but actually found something that was still intact and doesn’t smell like mothballs!

If I can afford this- you can:

Free People, only $18. She’s thinking, “Oh, hi, didn’t see you there. What’s that? No, I’m not going to a funeral even though I have black mesh in my hair. I’m just fabulous”.

$16, Urban Outfitters. It’s simple and you can wear it with any color. Who doesn’t want a garden growing out of their scalp? The metal part may bring it down a notch in the must-have factor, since you’re going to wear this for 10 minutes and get a headache. But let she who hasn’t worn something painful for beauty cast the first dollar. That didn’t make sense. You get it.

Look! It’s only an $8 Anthropologie headband! Tricked you. It’s from Forever21, but it’s pretty much the Tia to the Tamara $38 version. Although anything from Forever21 may break at any time, you will at least get some wear out of it- and for 8 bucks, totally worth it.

It’s hot, admit it. It’s a zipper on a headband, making absolutely no sense whatsoever, but that’s why we like it. Only $4 dollars from Forever21.

So, it’s all about watches today. Even though it’s that stupid accessory that you don’t care about, never notice on anyone else, don’t need (you have your cellphone for that) and it gets ruined in water. I have enough things to worry about in my day- I sometimes walk into the shower with my glasses on. But some watches are just so surprisingly nice, that they are worthy of praise.

Nooka:

When something trendy comes out of NY and Tokyo, you don’t need to question its coolness, you just go with it. Luckily, you don’t need to second guess the Nooka watch. They have 7 different styles— most of them running for a pretty pricey price of around $150.

Retro:

These just scream, “yeah, I know I’m awesome”, or, “I live in Brooklyn”, or, “I live in Silverlake”. You can get those retro Timex watches from Timex80.com, each one running for about $50 (not bad). And you get indiglo so you can read your watch in the dark, before bed, at a rave, in a cave… indiglo is just fascinating.

And now, for the ultimate cool of Coolio, the Hewlett Packard-01 calculator watch model (last one pictured). I saw one of these running for $1,500 on eBay. This is the best marriage of technology and luxury that money can buy. Comparable to today’s upcoming Blackberry watch, but much more sexy.

Fancy:

So, CHECK IT. We got a Hermes watch, for the classic wear-with-anything vintage chic ladies, only for a small running price of $800. It’s your, “I can go horse back riding and still look fancy” look. But what I realllyy like is what the girl underneath has on. This is taken from the Nov. 2009 Paris Vogue in an editorial titled: La Bonne Heure est dans le Pre in Vogue Paris. That’s fancy French for Farm Girl Wristwatches. Actually, I don’t really know, but the American’s are citing this editorial by this. Now, you can hardly see the watch, but it uses the same face that Grandfather Clocks uses, which is beautiful. I don’t even know who designed this, since I can’t read French, but designers cited were Dior… and, that’s all I recognized, but I know they run for at least a grand each.

Betsey Johnson:

The Betsey Johnson mesh bow watch is only $100— a really good price for BJ, I think. It’s a gift for your mom or your cheerleader girlfriend.

First thing’s first, if you want to pull off the boy look, please do me a favor and don’t wear boyfriend pants.

Exhibit A:

I’m sorry, nobody wants to see you try to pull off the saggy crotch look, because it just doesn’t work. Especially when you spend $260 to do it. You might as well take your paycheck and throw into the fire. A 20-something-year-old does not look good in something my grandmother would wear. Period. So onwards we go!

The essential to all boy looks, the boyfriend jacket. The love of my life:

Want to be an awesome boy? Wear exactly what this girl is wearing. A white tank top, this blazer (Monrow True Black Boyfriend Blazer, $296), skinny jeans, black boots. Don’t question me, just do it.

It also comes in white, purple and navy. That’s the thing about boyfriend blazers, even though the traditional black and navy are great, they are “contemporized” with color! This on luvcharlie.com, a good website to check out. Or you could get it from piperlime.com, for a dollar cheaper. Because every dollar counts.

This isn’t really an example of color, in fact it’s kind of the opposite… but I like this beige one from Nordstroms, on sale now for $118. This is nice because you don’t really see blazers that are beige too often. The only thing that bothers me is that this looks great on someone with a darker complexion, but on a ghost-white girl like myself, I’d probably look like a weird sand creature.

Drool. I love this blazer from Free People, it makes you look like Kiera Knightly from Pirates (and yes, that’s a good thing). Except I don’t know what fool put that white blouse on underneath. It just draws attention away from the jacket and to her frumpy crotch area. Only $150.

Lastly, another black blazer that’s nice, but has the 80’s shoulder pad style that I’m currently diggin’. This is only $425 (yeah sorry, that’s worth more than my car), but if you are a rich ho, then this is the way to go. Rhyme intended. I found this on madisonlosangeles.com, a really good site if you have tons of cash money.

Outerwear, etc:

Speaking of buying items worth more than my car, here’s a vest that’s boyish cool. It’s all leather and it looks… so… soft… I could sleep on it. So if you want a pillow-vest for a small price, it’s only $1,166. Thanks, MadisonLA, for reminding me of my place in this city.

Nothing says “boy” more than plaid. Mountain men, lumber jacks, scruffy hipsters in plaid… now you can be one, too. $360 from Soia & Kyo, who specialize in outerwear. This is really quite beautiful, especially with brown leather boots, yum.

Accessories:

I just love the Equestrian look, I can’t help it. This hat is adorbs, and has a small little horse pendant. UGH. Of course when paired with a black peacoat, you can’t go wrong. $144 from Eugenia Kim, who makes lots of beautiful equestrian-like “muffy” hats.

Since I snubbed the boyfriend pants, I thought I had to at least throw in a fedora. I’m not a big fan of these, but some girls can pull it off. So here’s one that I’d consider more than acceptable, for $175 you can get the Phoebe Price fedora. Just don’t get cocky and pose like this girl, it’s just annoying.

If you still wanna be a boy, you need a chunky, gaudy watch. That’s why I pick this from Michael Kors, it says “Oh I love Project Runway” and “Oh I’m such a masculine girl”. $164.

These types of shoes have been really popular and I can see why. Sort of. They are gorgeous, but they’re difficult to match up with an outfit. Skinny pants… and… miniskirts… anddd, long sloppy shirts with leggings? Plaid perhaps? Whatevs. All I know is that you must have these if you want to complete the look, or some variation of these shoes. These are $575 from Pedro Garcia Maddie. The most I ever spent on pair of heels was $60,and I bought them too small. I wore them once.

Boys would say these are “witch shoes”. I say “shut up”. They are damn good lookin’ and marked down from $250 to $100 on sites like Amazon. Ribbon laces? What an amazing and easy idea to fancy-up any shoe that needs laces. I love it.